filled with hope

feelings

a feeling of excitement in my mind
a feeling of love filled my heart
a feeling of nervousness churning in my stomach
the feeling of being blessed by our God
runs throughout my body
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

i can't put how i feel down in words...
since we've been on this process
i've experienced so many different feelings
its true...all things happens for a reason...
its one thing to believe it...
its one thing to be living it...
to experience it..

of all of the feelings i felt/am feeling...
the feeling of being blessed is the strongest
God has blessed me with so much
He places the right people in our life
He has open doors when they are most impactful
He has connected us closer to Him

even though we still have a long journey to go
i feel that we have made step forward
our home study is scheduled for tues...
unsure of what will become of it
a slight fear of rejection lingers in my mind
but the feeling of excitements prevails...

+ + + + + + + + + + + 

12/8: determined to complete our required document... i came home and being to clean aka "staged" our house to take pictures... we learned how to use the camera to our advantage...
mission accomplished: submitted our pictures...

12/9: received a call from the home study lady!!! hip hip hooray...
we love our adoption agency and our case worker...she is so awesome...
we just submitted our pictures and we received a call the very next day...
our home study is scheduled for tuesday dec 14...so later that evening...
we ordered the crib...simple, nice and clean...

 

this is the bedding we like...bananafish love birds bedding...its so cute yet not too girlie or pink...and it fits our semi theme of birds around our house

 12/11 received emails from a few of the foster/adoption parents we met during the PRIDE classes

it is nice to have a support system...someone to share the journey with and understands what you are feeling because they are on the same journey

hopes to move forwards

paperwork submitted,
classes completed,
almost ready for our homestudy...

+++++++++++++++++++++

12/5/10 - i met a couple who heard we were adopting...
she continues to share that she had adopted all 4 of her children
and that they were adopted through the same agency that we are going through...
what a small world...

perhaps it's not a small world but God answering prayers
God hears the cries in my heart and calmed my fears...
what if there isn't any infant for us to adopt
what if we can't handle any special needs the child may have
what if we won't be good catholic parents

constantly running through my heads are what if's,

the mom was a classmate of my husband who is also going through RCIA
she innocently brought me new hope...
all of her children were adopted as infants, one as young as 2 days old
the children had drug/ alcohol influences at birth, yet they are all healthy children
i learned that this mix faith family has (so far) successfully raised 4 catholic children

as we continue on this journey some my excitements has turned into fears...
and in one experience, God has turned my fears into hope...

with all of my (renewed) hopes
i eagerly await to move forward....

hopeful beginning...

the healing has begin
the uncertainty has end

His plan is clear
His timing is near

we sit and day dream
we wait to hear kids screams

hopeful for the beginning

*************************

to adopt or not to adopt that was the question
actually.. the better question was...
adopt now or adopt later...
we always knew we were going to adopt some of our kids
we didn't know we might have to adopt all of our kids

after months of uncertainty...
God starts to send signs...
which brought us peace of mind...

10/10/10 church bulletin article: hope for married couples who want to have a child
http://www.sttheresasugarland.org/admin/content/files/bulletins/2010-10-10.pdf
this article really helped confirmed my hesitation with IVF
we started to talk about adoption again...

10/11/10 a friend's dream: steph called me on monday to share that she had a vivid dream about me
she dreamed that my sister in law was playing with my baby... an asian looking baby...
this helped us decide to go with spaulding for children (the same agency my sister in law went through for her son

10/17/10 a priest's blessing: after mass, we waited to receive a blessing from fr. bart...we eagerly shared with him that we were going to attend a adoption orientation.... he was so supportive, gave us a blessing and reminded us that we are called to help God's children

waiting for the orientation was filled with nervousness and excitement...we were very blessed to have so many family and friends praying for us and supporting us...i was so gitty...like going to the doctors to find out if you are pregnant

10/20/10 foster care/adoption orientation: we went to the orientation thinking we have 2 months to discuss (since our 2nd year anniversary was in december, a requirement of married couples who wish to become foster parents/adopt)
we left with the news that we could submit our application and sign up for the training class which starts november (since we were only 2 months shy of our 2nd year anniversary and the next training class after the november one would be in february)

i found myself staying up till 5am to read through the adoption packet, studying the documents required for us to submit our application...after researching as much as i could on the agency and on adoption in general...i emailed the agency with a list of questions and request for the application...and the very next day...we received our answers...and so...

10/22/10 application submitted: its all in God's hands now..